Philip emailed me in August. He was taking ownership of a house and wanted six rooms and three sets of stairs cleaned, and he asked whether I could do it on the Saturday morning.   What he’d worked out – and what most people don’t – is that he had a gap. Keys in hand, […]

Every year, around the second or third week of October, my phone starts doing something predictable.   People ring up describing a smell. They’ve just put the heating on for the first time since spring, and within a day or two the house has developed a faint musty, damp, slightly earthy odour that wasn’t there […]

Four different people asked me the same question this year before they asked me anything about price.   Ros had a two by three metre rug with a fringe on two sides. Vincent had a Moroccan rug and a three year old daughter, which is a combination that speaks for itself. Esme had four rugs, […]

Since the beginning of May I’ve had a version of the same phone call at least once a fortnight.   A tenant rings up, slightly panicked, having read something online. Or a landlord rings up, slightly irritated, having read something different online. Both want to know the same thing: given the new rules, who is […]

People measure their stairs before they ring me. I find that genuinely charming, and it happens far more than you’d think.   Natasha counted hers out for me in an email: a square metre and a half at the bottom, twelve steps, another square metre landing, four more steps. Faye told me she had twenty […]

People are funny about their carpets. I don’t mean that unkindly. After 17 years of cleaning carpets in homes across London, I’ve noticed something: most people vacuum regularly, keep their homes tidy, and genuinely believe their carpets are clean.   Then I arrive with my machine, and we both stare at the water tank afterwards. […]

I’m going to say something that might sound dramatic, but I mean every word of it: I can tell you how a business is run by looking at its carpets. Seventeen years of walking into offices, shops, pubs, clinics, and reception areas across London has taught me that. The companies that take their carpets seriously […]

There’s a particular phone call I get several times a week, and it usually goes something like this: “Hi, I’m moving out on Saturday and my landlord says the carpets need to be professionally cleaned or he’ll take it from my deposit. Can you come tomorrow?” The answer is almost always yes – I do […]

It’s Sunday afternoon. You’re having a relaxed time at home. And then it happens. Red wine on the cream carpet. Or the puppy bolts in from the garden and vomits on the living room rug. Or the toddler upends an entire bowl of tomato pasta onto the hallway. I know that feeling. I’ve received the […]

I get calls about this almost every week. Someone’s moving out, their checkout date is in three days, and they’ve just realised the carpets don’t look anything like the inventory photos. Panic sets in. They start Googling. And what they find is a confusing mess of legal jargon, forum arguments, and cleaning companies trying to […]